Note to self--write about my transformational month of November 2008:
- New Years Day --- 11/4/08!!! GOOOOOOO Obama!! YES, we CAN!
- birthday reading with Staci on 11/10
- attended two births (11/11 and 11/29); dad's presence in the car on 11/11 and Jesus at the hospital (St. Vincent)
- Beautiful True Nature leadership workshop with Judy C. -- proccessmind experience
- Maya Abdominal massage and soul clearings; prayers
- Sobonfu Some grief ritual retreat at Still Meadow
- Job interviews and new job with SCC (first interview after 11/11 birth and second interview after 11/14-16 grief ritual)
- Being my true self and waking up/showing up
- In a "good space"
- Falling on my ass (literally!) / my wake up call (11/6)--see emails to Judy C.
And more stuff to reflect on later:
Indigo's night terror (12/10 . . . her 4 1/2 year old "half" birthday)
Losses while pregnant and beyond. I experienced a cluster of losses while pregnant with Indigo and did much grieving in the midst of the happiest place in my life...finally pregnant and loving it, yet so much sorrow and pain.
- Quincy 11/03 (17 y/o cat); He loved sleeping curled up pressed into my growing belly. Indigo must have loved his loud purrs.
- Mary (11/9/03) - dear friend, long-time client and wise, grounded Catholic woman of 95 y/o; sharp, sharp mind and gave selflessly to others until the end; she touched so many lives. Last words to me when I knew it would be the last time I'd see her as she looked deeply at me with her blue eyes: "Thank you for all the love, Carol." It's a moment I will always cherish. Thank YOU for all the love, Mary. I got the call on my birthday (11/10) left on my voice mail. Deep sorrow. This one really hit me hard.
- Grandma Vi (3/13/04) - 6 mos. pregnant; 3 days after car accident
- Anastasia (5/20/04) - close to 9 mos. pregnant; last words to me: "Happy Mother's Day!" I was so happy that Anastasia got to see me pregnant. She lived and died gracefully at home. She visited me in my dreamtime the night she passed. I'm sure she visited all her loved ones. I woke up that morning and went straight to her house. I knew she was gone. I stood on the deck with her family, shared some hugs and was on my way.
- Margie (late May '04)
- Festus (Feb '05) - 18 y/o cat; my soul friend and shoulder kitty
- Grandma Blanche (3/14/06)--she got to know Indigo for nearly 2 years. Vigil for a week or so at Kaiser. Indigo knows how to tend the dying.
- The big wammy... Daddy (9/15/06) -- sudden death at Providence Portland, but not unexpected. Saw him in the ED and talked to him on the phone later that night before he died. In the ED, "Tell Indigo that Papa Terry loves her very much." Indigo's song a few days before he died...spontaneous rendition of "5 little monkeys jumping on the bed" changed up to "5 little Papa Terrys jumping on the bed", final verse: "no more Papa Terrys jumping on the bed." She knew the time was coming.
The night before he died she sang the monkey version to him over the phone. 9/15/06--My deepest grief. My worst day ever. I thought losing babies was rough. This loss really cut deep. - Rob (4/4/07)
- Chloe (4/24/08) - Our beloved, sweet kitty; died peacefully at home in her sleep 2 days shy of her 18th birthday.
- Betty (1/13/09)
Goodbye Betty. Memories of your love of children and your ever present happy face will stay in my heart. You will be missed. May you go in peace and be surrounded by light, angels and love. I will miss your funeral on Tuesday, but will be with your loved ones in spirit as they honor your life and say goodbye.